plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize