i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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