After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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