In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
