i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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