My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
