reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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