you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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