I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
time to smoke my breakfast
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We left an ass print on the piano.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
