I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
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Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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