is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
