Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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