she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize