We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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