Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
