Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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