i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
porn star boner night. come get it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
