omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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