WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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