I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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