bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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