i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
