Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
