I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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