For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
