I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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