Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
