im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
