Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
