my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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