Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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