watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
