It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When did we convert life to cartoon?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
