K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish I only lived at night.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
