you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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