Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
