You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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