he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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