Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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