Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize