Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
