i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
