I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
