do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
