So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
