She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?