Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"