If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.