Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
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Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.