i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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