Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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