I am puke
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
