Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You are a genius and a whore.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
why is half of my head shaved?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
