just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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