Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Randomize
