I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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