I have demons in me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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