my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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