the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
