Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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