I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
