one two three fourrrrnication!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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