Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
