I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize