The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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