how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm passing your future prison.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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