So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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