he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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