I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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