I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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