My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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