That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
