Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
