And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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