so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
