Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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